Yesterday I had lunch with a colleague. This was the first time we had had lunch together, so there was a lot of sharing and getting to know each other. At one point, whatever story I was telling, necessitated that I briefly describe when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Upon sharing that, she shared with me that she had lost her mother about the same time my dad got sick. At first I was so stunned and taken aback that, to be quite honest, I don't think I reacted very well or with an abundance of sympathy. Don't get me wrong - I didn't make a blundering idiot of myself; at least I don't think... It just took me a moment to express my condolences.
Well, fast forward a few hours and I found myself sitting on my couch at home feeling very surreal. Are we really at that age, the age that we have to think about our parents' passing? I started running through my mental address book of friends and co-workers, and I found that I knew several people who had lost their parents. It was a reality check for me - I felt like I just resurfaced above water after dropping in one of those dunk tanks.
Anyone who knows me, knows I don't really taking aging well or with a whole lot of grace. In other words, I've already had a quarter-life crisis and complain incessantly about encroaching on 30. Now with this new revelation, I feel even older. I guess I still felt like I was young. Actually, I still felt like my parents were young. They seriously cannot be that old yet. Right? Well, in reality, no. I mean I know we could all go at any second, but this is different. Remove that possibility and I really didn't feel like it was something I had to think about yet. I haven't gotten married, I don't have kids, I'm just starting my career... They have so much more to see, dangit!!
While I hate the idea that yes I am at that age in which I have to realize my parents aren't immortal, it prompted me to reevaluate some things. (Yes, all of this life discovery happened in a short amount of time on my couch last night.) My parents are precious and I won't have them around forever. I have to move beyond the child-like mindset that they will always be there. I have to move toward a more valuing mindset and take in the moments that I have with them and not take their presence for granted.
Love you Mom and Dad!
My mom passed away from cancer two years ago. I felt so orphaned, even though I was 29! I'd never even contemplated what it would be like not having a parent around. My life has been a whirlwind of change ever since, with my dad remarrying after a only a year - the shock of loss had barely worn off. The emotions I've been through have truly been a roller coaster. It's made me really desire to have my own family, so I can replace what I have lost...family. Dads try, but when they remarry, they move on, in a way. I never really paid attention to how many other people had lost a parent - even younger than I did. I never really understood what it was like to have a step-parent, because I never imagined I'd have one. It's brought me new empathy and understanding for others.
ReplyDeleteIt's not something that is easily gotten over. Every time a girlfriend tells me their mom is taking them shopping, or to lunch, or they are discussing what to get them for Mother's Day, the pain is physical in my body. And any time I hear someone complain about their mother, I have to bite my tongue. I am living now by the mantra: there's only today.
Oh Amy, I am so sorry about your loss. I can't begin to imagine that pain. I completely admire and respect your courage to adopt a mindset that is positive, hopeful and considerate of others amidst the pain that remains with you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's an additional (and welcomed) reminder to cherish each day.
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